Detecting Fraudulent Pearls!

So this morning I ran across an article on Physorg.com about cultured pearls and determining origin. The article, titled "Fraud with Cultured Pearls Can Be Detected", immediately caught my eye. What sort of fraud, right?

Reading this article was a bit of a chore. I kept checking the Google translate button at the top of my browser to make sure this article was not in German. The topic of the article is a discovery made by two scientists at the Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz in Germany. They have discovered a way to differentiate sweet-water pearls from China and cultured pearls from Japan. By sweet-water, I am pretty sure they are referring to freshwater. And although they call Japan’s pearls “sweet-water” as well, the description of the pearls clearly indicates they are referring to akoya. Ground breaking, right?!

The scientists’ argument is that even experts cannot tell the difference between freshwater pearls from China and akoya pearls from Japan, which are worth up to ten times more (according to the article). This ground-breaking discovery would enable labs and pearls experts to accurately distinguish one type of pearl from another.

The method, called laser ablation ICP mass spectrometry, determines whether or not pearls contain vaterite. OK, that cinches it. They are definitely comparing akoya and Chinese freshwater pearls, not Japanese and Chinese freshwater pearls as Biwa and Kasumi pearls both contain vaterite, a calcium carbonate polymorph that is known to adversely affect luster in concentrations near a freshwater pearl’s surface.

I’m now considering sending a letter to the university requesting publication of my own discovery! I too have found a way to accurately distinguish Chinese freshwater pearls from Japanese akoya!

My method involves directing a stream of electromagnetic radiation with wavelengths of ~300 nm to ~1400 nm on a strand of akoya or freshwater pearls. Then I utilize a device that works on the principles of the Gestalt Laws of Perceptual Organization: Proximity, Similarity, Closure, Symmetry, Common fate and Continuity. I’ve found this method to be foolproof! I’ve never seen a strand of akoya or freshwater pearls that were not completely distinguishable from one another.

The greatest part of my method is that a lab is completely unnecessary. You can use any room in your office.

I call my method, “Just turn on the lights and look at the pearls, dumbass!”