Another post by one of my favorite contributors, Olga NoitapitsnokovnaEven though I've been actively looking for a while now, and thought I would never find it---here it is in all its potential imbibing glory The Drink of The Tahitian Pearlmeister! "But what is a Tahitian pearlmeister?” you ask, let alone a drink for one. Well, there are supposedly some (one, or two, or three) in that paradisiacal land of black pearls, Tahiti. I don't know any of them personally, but if I did, there might be a chance I could actually get to taste some of this Louis XIII Black Pearls Cognac by Rémy Martin. If there ever was a better hypnotically mesmerizing label designed to attract Tahitian pearlmeisters who booze, then I dare you to show me one.
And what a bottle (obaldet!) it is! Made from Baccarat crystal, with a blackish silver hue to cunningly make it look like a black pearl, the concoction inside it is a combo of over one thousand eau-de-vie which have been aged for up to a century. Boy, what a way to get loaded! That's only if you can afford the price of course---$32,000.00 per gorgeous pearl-make-believe bottle! Sadly, this is not within my budget. Not even close. Olga is use to getting pearl necklaces from rich admirers but I think a $32,000.00 bottle of Black Pearls Cognac is just not going to happen any time soon. And if I want a taste of it on my own, I'll have to book a flight to NYC and drop into the Plaza Hotel for lunch-and-a-sip costing $3,200.00+. (That’s not counting the flight and a place to rest my pretty head, and trust me, it is a pretty one!)
Makes me think of how different things are here in America, today, as compared to Russia, yesterday. When I was young person still in Russia and modeling so that I could pay for school in order to get my PhD in Astrobiology, I use to pray every night for the necessities of life, "Dear God, please send us more bread and vodka tomorrow." Luckily, those days are long gone.
The gap between the rich pearlmeisters of the world and the average Russian has become a lot smaller. A lot of enterprising Russians have the ability to buy $32,000.00 bottles of cognac too now. Money---the great equalizer.
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21 comments:
I think I am going to stick to scotch. I might, just might try some of Slraep's prison wine, however.
Russia is a good place to sell luxury goods. But talking about pearls. I once have many broken pearl strands that I don't know how to strung and it would be cheaper to buy new ones so I decided to hammer those freshwater chocolate, white, black pearls until they turned into dust and mixedt them into my orange juice, use them to scrub my beautiful flawless white™ face and there has been numerous cheap products that uses crushed pearls as an ingredient on shampoos, soaps, face creams and they worked!
But when I tell people about it they could not believe they are made with pearls. Many people here don't even believe freshwater pearls are real pearls bcoz they still think think pearls are extremely rare and expensive.
And about that pearl crushing thing. It only works for the long baroque small freshwater pearls. Larger freshwtare pearls are extremely tough. they are tougher than diamonds and rubies or maybe jadeite. Though they can be scrathed so easily but I was not able to crushed those larger freshwater pearls.
If there ever was a better hypnotically mesmerizing label designed to attract Tahitian pearlmeisters who booze, then I dare you to show me one.
How about the Grey Goose Vodka bottle with an authentic Tahitian Pearl?
Check this out. French vodka from Cognac. Imagine the pearl ropes you'd be wearing today with such bottles in yesterday's Russia ;-)
I don't do vodka. Cabernet Sauvignon is about the strongest alcoholic beverage I can stomach. Crimean bubbly is good, too. I love Crimean bubbly. Brut red, please. Crimean bubbly is Crimean champagne only that as a purist I do not call it that.
Here's a link to the only allowed beverage with the Dance of the Vampires:
http://www.krimsekt.co.uk/red%20brut.htm
What??? Are you really Zeide Erskine??????
You don't do vodka? What kind of wimpy shit phoney vampire are you? I bet you drink that Crimean bubbly garbage with a straw too. You give us people of the night a bad name. If any of us meets you in a dark alley, you'd better have your running shoes on because we are gonna spread garlic flavoured creamed cheese all over your face and strap you to a dumpster that's facing the rising sun.
Z.E.,
If you do not do vodka, do me and yourself a big favour and do try some of the more expensive store bought brands that do filter their product through birch charcoal and do not, like the home made swill you are used to drinking, get filtered through a used pillow case. I would also suggest you do drink your vodka straight and do not drink it with your favourite mixer, Pepto Bismol.
Crimean bubbly? That's the sorriest excuse for champagne I ever heard of. You must be mistaken and mean That-Crime-Of-A-Bubbly. Maybe the reason you lie so much is because the Crimean shit you drink has the surprising ability to KEEP ALIVE the unusually high amount of abnormal brain cells you have so luckily been blessed with since birth. Just the opposite of what a fine champagne is made to do.
Fried eggs go very well with champagne. I also fancy it with falafel and a good helping of home-made tsatsiki.
So now you are saying you DO drink champagne. Just not vodka.
My father used to drink a lot of Zubrovka vodka. That somewhat spoiled my taste. I am currently drinking apple cinnamon tea (with real fruit, real spice, and black tea) although my tea taste is eclectic. I probably have as many kinds of tea in the house as I have stuff to put in bath water. Although I can make decent tea here, US bath tubs leave a lot to be desired design-wise (sides rise at 90°
angles) and size-wise (not suitable for anybody over 150cm). My favorite teas are the red fruit ones with and without spices. I used to be more of a black tea gourmet but the available water here is not really condusive to that pursuit.
Zeide Errskine, perhaps it is not US bath tubs that need redesigning, perhaps the real problem is your jumbo-sized ass and elephantine proportions. Maybe you should invest in a bariatric walk-in tub instead. Extra wide models can be as wide as 42 inches and have a 25 to 26 inch door. These extra wide models will accommodate a person up to 600 lbs, fat head included!
Z.E.....you are soooooooo spaced out.....
Speaking(okay writing) of spaced out and bubbly, now
I have to run and get myself a glass of champagne.
I found we were out of champagne and opted for a well-cilled Italian pinot grigio instead. If available my favorite champanes are Perrier& Jouet Belle Epoque and H. Bonin & Cie. although I would not turn up my nose at a Krug or M. Chandon if they are indeed brut. I don't care too much about Dom Peringon (tastes like essence de athletes foot) or Veuve Cliquot (goat sweat) but otherwise I love champagne of many makers.
If I really have to justify an extravagant pearl purchase, I replace the Perrier & Jouet with herbal tea for a few weeks. That cuts down costs of living tremendously.
Z.E. said...
"My father used to drink a lot of Zubrovka vodka."
I was convinced you were eventually going to write about your father being an alien from outer space or something unbelievable like that. I'm disappointed that he was just a regular human and a drunk.
My father was born in 1923, so when he finished his first state exam in medical school at age 21, he was drafted and sent to Stalingrad where he was captured in late April 1945 and put into a Siberian prison camp for he next 11 years.
I bet that being Jewish royalty, a direct descendant of Jesus and an elf didn't help your father much in that Siberian prison camp.
In my family basically everybody is either biomedial or legal. Some family friends used to joke that Dr. Hülsbergen and Dr. Hirthe is something you are born with. We all have doctor titles (except my son who is only at teh BA level yet), some us even more than one.
My uncle (also a dentist) bought his wife a strand of "flawless" akoyas 20 years ago. When I visited them last year, he first thought there was something wrong with my pearls because of their orient. After he got the point of water, mirror, orient and tissue vs. bead nucleation, he told me what a fortune my aunt's 8mm akoyas had cost and asked her to bring them for comparison. First she hesitated, then admitted that their beads were showing on several pearls and when she finally brought it out to compare her "flawless" pearls to my lumpy keshis, I had to rest my case. They were in the sorriest of states not even quite food supplement grade. So, let the world know that pearls are back with a vengance.
I went to one of hubby's concerts today(he's an alto saxophonist in 3 local community bands) last night and am still recovering from the partiotic aftertaste. The swing part was pretty good, though. I like big band music when they are not playing the national antheme and military hymns.
As far as electronic or synthesized music goes, I rather do without. I love all kinds of music from Tuvan throatsinging to classical sonatas, but synthesized music has not yet made the cut with me. The same goes for "modern ballet" which seems to be a metaphor for clumsy gymnastics. Ballet without grace is not ballet no matter what the art critics say.
I'm imagining Zeide Erskine in a tutu, en pointe--for the love of God, kill me already!!
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