Olga does 007 ... Again

Submitted by Olga Noitapitsnokovna

"The star-gazer often trips up." Wise words for movie-goers.

I am blatantly going to ignore the above old Russian proverb, told to me by my late babushka, and go ahead and foolishly use my hard-earned money as a remedy for my unrequited and obsessive lusting after a common "action film" actor. We all know that the lusting after of possessions is the most dangerous passion of all, yet, strangely, I think I have found a pretty damn-good substitute for Daniel Craig. For all my hard criticism of today's unbridled consumerism, I am, nonetheless, not dead yet. There lies the trouble; death is the cheapest way of existing, and I, still kicking, hate cheapness more than I hate Hummers and the people who drive them.

Just look at this amazing necklace! I mean, just look at it. Notice how the blue stones in this magnificent creation from Assael are the same dreamy frosted diluted-Windex colour as the new and improved gritty James Bond's eyes? And notice too, just like all the logos on the sponsored luxury items in The Quantum of Solace, how the disproportionally big double"D" necklace clasp, smacks of the utterly important person or house who designed it? The sheer joy of thinking of the possibility of possessing this necklace is intoxicating! Ah, but a certain forum-administrating girlfriend of mine must wonder, "How can you trade Daniel Craig for a necklace and some earrings?" That, my dear, is easy because necklaces and earrings always obey you; they never talk back, and they are never unfaithful. Also, this particular necklace has just the right amount of vulgarity, and is quite impressively bulging with baroque South Sea pearls. Coincidentally, just the way Olga likes her leading men.

What is to be done with this awful lust and yearning? Absolutely nothing. The necklace has already stamped itself into my mind (along with Craig's torso). Olga's intelligence and judgement are undermined and so is her character. That's the sad and silly part. I know that buying this thing will have me sleeping under a bridge in no time, but on the other hand, I do have a magic credit card that needs to be tested. It is my duty after all, to live up to the distinction my platinum American Express card confers. It says I am a power-buyer, not a peasant!

Having a limited budget here in North America is much more difficult than it used to be in Russia. Ostentation is also not frowned upon in Russia. Ostentation is vied for there! Maybe moving back to Russia would lighten Olga's conscience and give her some quantum of solace about these brand-name-luxury-goods relapses of hers. What a tortured, tortured soul I am---just like James Bond in the new film.