Rearranging the Deck Chairs

Sumbitted by Bafoon

Several items have come in conjunction of late which have pixilated me.

One is the World Pearl Forum scheduled for mid-February in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. This ill-timed convocation is assembling the likes of Nick Paspaley and Robert Wan et Cie to tell adoring sycophants how the cow ate the cabbage (for the umpteenth time) under the guise “to create a lustrous new future for pearls.”

What lustrous future? The pearl industry is in the tank. And shall continue to be so, and for quite some period to come.

Another speaker is Hedda Schupak, Editor in Chief of JCK magazine, who is scheduled to prattle on about “media focus on pearls.” Why? JCK does precious little coverage on pearls. In fact, Modern Jeweler seems to be a little more regular in promoting of these goods... and, besides, in her career this E-in-C has never spearheaded any such inquiries into pearls; Gary Roskin is the editor who is the point man in all such efforts, and when he gets the rare chance, he does a credible job. I guess, as in any other pyramidal bureaucracy, the top dog gets the freebies, and gets to make the first self-choice as to who luxuriates from a sheikdom’s largesse.

And why an American trade magazine? The media here are notoriously skin-flinty about expending even minuscule baksheesh to cover the pearl industry, and are reluctant to take away even a few columnar inches from hordes of diamond and color stone advertising to promote pearls. Only Jewellery News Asia covers the pearl industry in any depth, and with any panache (anyhow, Dubai is easier to get to from Hong Kong than from the eastern U.S.; they should have been the ones invited).

Another speaker is a travel media dude who will pontificate on “what the luxury customer is looking for in today’s market.” This may well be the shortest speech in recorded history,as the luxury customer is obviously looking for luxury. Geeze! You want me to spend thousands of dollars to come hear that twaddle?

You may also sit transfixed while listening to another speaker talk about “experiential marketing” (whatever that may be), and yet another on positioning pearls via celebrity placement. Like I want to know more about Hollywood or French Riviera bimboes in heated décolletage contests, wearing baubles for mere seconds of fleeting and soon-to-be-forgotten publicity for both donor and donee.

I’ve discussed the ludicrous timing of this venue with longtime friend of mine, 40-years in the pearl trade in Asia and the Pacific, and he, too, thinks this event unneeded and ill-conceived, not to mention extravagant (costs amount up to US$10,000 to even get there and back, plus some US$3,000-to-US$7,000 a night at the host mega-hostel, plus US$400 entrance fee). He notes that in going there to luxuriate in wretched excess during these perilous pearling times, it is akin to “dancing to the tunes of the orchestra on the deck of the sinking Titanic.”

So recently came the notice that GIA has wisely postponed its Second Gemological Research Conference this coming August for a full year due to “the serious downturn in the global economy.” Don’t you think the sheiks and sheikettes who conceived this Dubai venture would have the good sense to likewise quash their bash?

Obviously not. If they didn’t even have the good sense to package air travel and hotel accommodations for potential attendees in the first place, they certainly won’t have the cojones to call it off. They probably don’t even care, feeling that there is no way their party in the high-rise, oil-dollar mega-castles in the sand can possibly turn into the Dubai Debacle, “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”